- learn to sit
- learn to crawl
- learn to eat solid food
- learn to stand
- learn to walk a bit
- learn some basic English phrasing like "Can we go see The Force Awakens in IMAX 3D please father?"
Within this time it is paramount that given his disinterest in reading or understanding advertising that I indoctrinate him fully in the Star Wars universe. Purely for his own benefit. With that in mind my gift guide this year is perhaps the most selfless (and therefore Christmassy) act since Oates walked out of that tent into the Antarctic night, for it is not for me, but for him. You're welcome, Jesus.
For Bedtime Reading: 'Darth Vader and Son' by Jeffrey Brown
An initially unpromising cash-in of an idea, Brown immediately counters this with warm yet edgy humour and a firm grasp of both Lucasland and parent/childhood. Also available is a Princess Leia version for those of you lucky to have a pink human version. This little beauty will probably end up with chewed corners and sick stains so I might just keep this on the bookshelf and read him Seuss's Mr Brown Can Moo. Can You? again. Amazon.
For Those First Steps: R2D2 Crocs
For Waking Him Up In The Morning When I'm Hungover and He is Staying Over After I Get Thrown Out For Going On About A Kids Film With Talking Dogs In All The Time: Boba Fett Lamp and Alarm Clock
You will definitely get up with this slightly rotund Boba blaring at you, and you will make your dad toast and coffee.
For I am your father.
I know that by around March next year I'll already be sick of the hype and guiding Benjamin towards something less mainstream but in the meantime this can haunt his dreams.
HAPPY FESTIVE EATING AND DRINKING AND TOLERATING FAMILY SEASON EVERYONE! SEE YOU IN 2015
Posted By : English Scribbler, contributor and resident monarchist since 2013.