Wednesday, December 17, 2014

2014 Holiday Nerd Gift Guide - English Scribbler

This time next year the new Star Wars film will be out and, although my wife has resolutely never seen any of them and describes Chewbecca as "that stupid talking dog", we have a 4 month old son who has 12 months to do the following in no particular order of importance :

- learn to sit
- learn to crawl
- learn to eat solid food
- learn to stand
- learn to walk a bit
- learn some basic English phrasing like "Can we go see The Force Awakens in IMAX 3D please father?"

Within this time it is paramount that given his disinterest in reading or understanding advertising that I indoctrinate him fully in the Star Wars universe. Purely for his own benefit. With that in mind my gift guide this year is perhaps the most selfless (and therefore Christmassy) act since Oates walked out of that tent into the Antarctic night, for it is not for me, but for him. You're welcome, Jesus.

For Bedtime Reading:  'Darth Vader and Son' by Jeffrey Brown

An initially unpromising cash-in of an idea, Brown immediately counters this with warm yet edgy humour and a firm grasp of both Lucasland and parent/childhood. Also available is a Princess Leia version for those of you lucky to have a pink human version. This little beauty will probably end up with chewed corners and sick stains so I might just keep this on the bookshelf and read him Seuss's Mr Brown Can Moo. Can You? again. Amazon.

For Those First Steps: R2D2 Crocs

Check out these bad boys. Sure, soon he will only want ones featuring whatever Ja-Ja annoyance Abrams and co come up with , but for now these sleek retro steppers will be constantly falling off into dog poo and then shoved by him into his mouth and driving us crazy after the first few seconds of amusement. Amazon.

For Waking Him Up In The Morning When I'm Hungover and He is Staying Over After I Get Thrown Out For Going On About A Kids Film With Talking Dogs In All The Time: Boba Fett Lamp and Alarm Clock

You will definitely get up with this slightly rotund Boba blaring at you, and you will make your dad toast and coffee. 
For I am your father. 


I know that by around March next year I'll already be sick of the hype and guiding Benjamin towards something less mainstream but in the meantime this can haunt his dreams.



Posted By : English Scribbler, contributor and resident monarchist since 2013.