Skyrim: Dragonborn DLC

[Skryim: Dragonborn, Bethesda Game Studios, Bethesda Softworks, 2012]

what took so long?

I realize that this third and final downloadable content package for Skyrim came out about a year-and-a-half ago, but I'm just getting around to it. When I played Oblivion, I bought the Game of the Year Edition, so all of the DLC came with the game. I racked up over 180 hours on the thing and completed every quest in the game, DLC included. However, with Skyrim I bought it on Day One and, to be honest, when I finished the main story line I was ready to put it down for a while. I never thought it would take me this long to get back to it, though. That said, here we are, and here's my critique of the highest rated of the Skyrim DLC offerings.  

what's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happenin'!

After you've downloaded the Dragonborn DLC package and you start to play, you are quickly attacked by a group of cultists on behalf of one Miraak, who turns out to be the first Dragonborn. This type of aggression will not stand, man, so you set out to find Miraak and put him down. In order to track down your failed assassin, you hop on a ship headed for Solstheim, an island in Morrowind. Long time Elder Scrolls players will remember Morrowind from the third game in the series, and Solstheim from Bloodmoon, an expansion pack for the same. 

You do some sleuthing in an attempt to locate Miraak, but the islanders only seem to have a vague recollection of who or what he is. It's almost like they've all had the same mostly forgotten dream about the man, but they can't seem to remember any details about the first Dragonborn. Eventually, you find your way to the Temple of Miraak where you team up with Frea, a woman from Skaal whose people are being tormented by the evil, power-hungry villain. It turns out he is using the people of Skaal in an attempt to return to Tamriel and take over. He has placed them, along with many other citizens of Solstheim, into some sort of a trance where they are using formerly helpful magic stones to bring about his triumphant return and the downfall of Skyrim. 

You learn all of this when you find a "Black Book" deep in the recesses of Miraak's Temple and read it. Upon opening the text, you and Frea are transported to the Apocrypha, which is another dimension temporarily inhabited by Miraak as he prepares for his hostile takeover of your homeland. For reasons that don't really make sense, considering that you are the only other Dragonborn in Tamriel, Miraak doesn't find you to be much of a threat and he sends you and Frea back to Solstheim. I understand that it's necessary in order to keep the events of the DLC moving along, but this is a HUGE plot hole in the story. I mean, come on, he's already sent cultist assassins to kill you once. You spend the rest of the story gaining enough power to eventually take the man down. He's got you right there, in his dimension, surrounded by his cultists, underpowered and untrained, and he lets you go?! 

Now, I realize I've been talking about magic rocks and other dimensions, so obviously a little suspension of your disbelief is necessary to enjoy the game, but I just couldn't ever let go of this plot hole in my head. I won't go into too much detail about the rest of the story for those who haven't played it yet but intend to, but you literally spend the rest of the game trying to gain enough power to defeat Miraak. Due to that fact, you have to assume that you don't possess the necessary powers at this point in the game. It's the Skyrim equivalent of a Bond villain monologuing just long enough for James to escape from the overly-elaborate trap that has been set for him and defeat whatever SPECTRE baddy has come for him this time. All Miraak had to do was kill you, right then and there, and it's over. He wins. Instead, he sends you back to Morrowind to learn everything you need to know to eventually defeat him. Ugh. Sorry to harp on it so long but it really bugged me. 

so, you hated it?

No, I actually really enjoyed it. For one thing, you FINALLY get to ride dragons! It's something that I'd been dying to do since I killed my first dragon nearly three years ago. Not only that, but it was nice to have something new to do in the Elder Scrolls universe while waiting for the Elder Scrolls Online to come out (Thanks for pushing it back six months, Bethesda! Boo!!!) Unlike Oblivion, which I beat in its entirety in one huge go around, this served to break up Skyrim into at least two chunks. I fully intend to purchase at least one more piece of DLC because I had so much fun returning to Tamriel in Dragonborn. Aside from that one huge plot hole, it was a truly enjoyable experience. I can't wait to get Dawnguard or Hearthfire and do some more exploring of my favorite RPG world while I wait for the Elder Scrolls Online to come out. 

time for the breakdown

While I didn't enjoy this DLC as much as the Shivering Isles from Oblivion, it definitely holds its own against the Knights of the Nine. With the aforementioned postponement of the Elder Scrolls Online, my hunger for more of Tamriel has only grown. It was the perfect time for me to dig back into Skyrim and, having put off buying any of the DLC until now, I was able to do so without starting over and re-playing any parts of the game that I've already beaten. While it isn't revolutionary, Dragonborn was an enjoyable trip back into the lands of the Elder Scrolls and I can easily recommend it for anyone who is itching to get back into the zone in preparation for the next Bethesda release. 

the math

Objective Score: 7/10

Bonuses: +1 for just giving me more Skyrim. I truly love these games and, as long as they aren't total garbage, I will continue to enjoy most anything Bethesda puts out in the Elder Scrolls universe. 

Penalties: -1 for that HUGE plot hole I just couldn't get past. I mean, come on! He's right there! JUST KILL HIM!!! Ugh. Okay, I'll let it go now. 

Nerd Coefficient: 7/10. A mostly enjoyable experience.   

Peggle 2

the council of peggle masters

I realize I was a little bit behind the times with my review of Peggle 1, so I decided to jump on the ball and get my Peggle 2 review out in a timely fashion. This sequel is as fun and addictive as the original without feeling like a re-tread. There are new Peggle Masters, funnier dialogue, and more or less effective powers, depending on the current master for the levels you're on at the current time. Bjorn Unicorn is the only returning character. For those who missed the first Peggle review, the gist of the game is the same. You have ten pinballs and you have to shoot them at 25 red pegs. Hit all 25 pegs and you clear the level. Miss any and you have to start the whole thing over.

While I don't think there's anything here that wouldn't have been capable using the Xbox 360's hardware, there are definite improvements in the graphics in this game. They have come up with new and interesting ways to make hitting the red pegs more difficult to hit. There are expanding and contracting groupings of pegs. They also have double-pegs that require two hits to remove from the board. All-in-all, I felt this was a slightly more difficult game than the first, but also more enjoyable for the depth of character it offered in the Peggle Masters. In that vein, let's get to the Peggle Master breakdown.

who's the master? sho 'nuff!

1. Bjorn Unicorn

Bjorn's power is the same in this game as it was in the first. His ability is to show you where your peg will bounce after it hits its first target. This is easily the weakest power, but it's also the opening level, so what do you expect? Atomic bombs? I don't think so. 

2. Jeffrey the Troll

Jeff is a less-than-subtle homage to the Coen Brothers' classic character, The Dude. His special power includes firing a huge bowling ball that wipes out entire swaths of pegs. It's one of the more potent special powers in the game. Jeff recounts many quips that will be instantly recognizable to fans of the film, along with being a lazy drunk (as opposed to a pothead), and a huge fan of bowling. "There's a beverage here, man!"

3. Berg the Yeti

(Ice)Berg is a friendly fellow with a penchant for going pantless. His power is known as Ice Breath and it can be either the most or least useful power in the game, depending on your shot. When you hit his green power peg, Berg begins to blow. This North wind causes all pegs that are hit to move rather than disappear. Any other peg they hit will also begin to move with the wind. It doesn't blow in any particular direction, just causes the pegs to slide across the board. Hit a good shot and you can wipe out nearly half the board. Hit a bad one and there might as well not be a power peg there at all. Still, Berg's sparkling personality and his bare-bottomed dance make him one of the most likable characters in the game. 

4. Stormin' Gnorman

Gnorman the Gnome is a robotic master of small stature but great power. Once Gnorman's power is activated, each peg that is hit will electrify and wipe out three corresponding pegs. Even though he appears to have a Napoleon complex, building a robotic suit to increase his stature to a whopping 3'4", Gnorman's power is extremely useful and rarely leaves pegs unpunished. Although he is quite a way into the game, I found his boards some of the easiest to clear due to his electrical powers. He isn't as amenable as some of the other characters, but what he lacks in personality he more than makes up for in Peggle Power. 

5. Luna the Ghost

Although Luna is adorable, her powers are quite strong. Once you strike her green pegs, she makes all the blue pegs on the board disappear, leaving nothing but red targets for you to hit. While some might say this takes all the fun out of the game, her boards were difficult enough that they would be neigh impossible without a little help from Luna. Her adorable little visage belies one of the most powerful Peggle Master powers in either game. 

Summarizification

While Peggle 2 doesn't make any great strides from the first iteration, it doesn't really have to. Why mess with a winning formula? This game is just as fun and addictive as the original. The new masters are quite enjoyable and the powers that they've come up with are different enough from the first while still remaining useful that they make this sequel a welcome addition to the Peggle universe. 

the math

Objective Score: 8/10

Bonuses: +1 for not messing up one of the better gaming formulas. They could have gone all "Galactic Puzzle Quest" and ruined a good thing, but they didn't. Instead, they simply added new characters and managed to create new, useful powers that keep a fun game just that...fun. 

Penalties: -1 for not adding more Peggle Masters. I was a bit disappointed that there were fewer masters in this game than in the first.  I mean, this came out on Xbox One so it's not like they don't have the computing power to make it work. Oh well...

Nerd Coefficient: 8/10. Well worth your time and attention. 

Mister Torque's Campaign of Carnage

MORE Borderlands 2 DLC!

I know you guys may be getting tired of hearing about Borderlands, but that's too bad because I just can't stop playing it! The second downloadable content (DLC) add-on takes you to The Badass Crater of Badassitude in search of a second vault. The slightly insane Dr. Tannis swears that there is another vault at the bottom of the crater and that, this time, it's really full of loot and not a monster bent on your total annihilation. Upon your arrival to the crater, you are greeted by Mr. Torque, an obvious and wonderful homage to the late, great Macho Man Randy Savage. I can only hope that he's got a supportive girlfriend like Miss Elizabeth. 

The only difference between the two is that Mr. Torque has had an automatic censor implanted in his voice box so he is unable to curse, which he does profusely anyway while being automatically bleeped. "But that's half my vocabulary," complains the steroid-stuffed narrator/guide and he's not far off. This guy makes the Dude look like an 8-year-old choir boy. 

The Grift

When you arrive in the Badass Crater of Badassitude, you are immediately sent to the Torque Arena to face off against a host of enemies. In order to enter, you need a sponsor. Another character that would feel right at home in the WWE named Piston volunteers, although, just as with Captain Scarlett, you are quickly made aware that he intends to betray you. Unlike Scarlett, he doesn't wait for you to complete several menial tasks for him first. Immediately after your initial bout, he drugs and kidnaps your character. That's when the real story begins. In order to continue fighting, you have to obtain another sponsor. Unfortunately a real piece of work named Pyro Pete has kidnapped your potential help and you must free her to continue to rise in the ranks of the Torque Arena. 

Yes, your new sponsor is the buxom and quite overtly sexual Moxxi. Turns out she's still mad that Handsome Jack took away her Underdome fighting arena (from Borderlands 1) and she wants to replace it with the Torque Arena, with your help, of course. I won't get too much further into the story because it's really fantastic and you'll want to experience it for yourself. Suffice it to say this is some of the best DLC that Gearbox has produced for Borderlands. It holds up against Dr. Ned and the Claptrap Robolution quite well. 

Don't Hate the Non-Player Characters, Hate the Game!

There is a nice melange of characters in the story, both old and new. Tiny Tina helps you out with some training. How can a girl that small help train a fighter, you ask? Her answer is, "First you'll be like, 'How?' Then you'll be like, 'POW!!!' Let's do this shizz." In one of the more humorous twists, Tina's training involves eating lots and lots of chocolate chip cookies. Sadly, after the training regimen is finished, she realizes to her complete and utter disgust that the cookies were really oatmeal raisin. "Wait a minute," she pauses as the realization overtakes her, "Those are raisins! WHY?! Why do bad things happen to good people?!" She then sends you back to destroy all the cookie dispensers so no one will fall victim to those evil semi-healthy cookies again. 

Your nemesis in this little excursion through Pandora is an equally roided-out bundle of rage named Piston. He has less than 1% body fat and 13 pectoral muscles, or so he claims. Whoever did the voice work for Piston was fantastic. I hated this guy the entire game and it was a pleasure matched by very few games' evil nemeses to take him down. "My pecs are laughing at you right now (Girlish laugh). Hear that?" He's a conglomerate of all the meat-head jock jerks you've ever known and they nailed the caricature to a 'T'.

Another one of my faves from this chapter of Borderlands 2 was Motor Momma, a 600-pound (at least) lesbian cannibal biker chick. She and Moxxi had a fling back in the day until she ate some of Moxxi's other girlfriends. I guess that's where Moxxi draws the proverbial line when it comes to ethics. There are also some old favorites that make an appearance including the ever-popular white trash gear-head Scooter. All in all, Mr. Torque's Campaign of Carnage is chock full of memorable and hilarious characters that will have you dying for a second playthrough as soon as you finish the first. 

Best...Side...Mission...EVER!!!

I don't want to give away too much, but I simply can't help but tell you about my favorite side mission in this entire game, Captain Scarlett and main quest included. A character named Buff Gamer (unlike your skinny Nerds of a Feather reviewer Brad) has given a game called Diamond Mercenaries 2 a 6 out of 10 in his ECHOnet review. Unfortunately for Buff, it happens to be one of Mr. Torque's favorite titles and he sends you out to take revenge on the unsuspecting reviewer for his poor ranking of the Macho Man's version of Modern Warfare. I couldn't help but get a strange chill up my spine when I realized the meta aspects involved in a game reviewer (me) playing a game where he has to kill another game reviewer (Buff) over a poor review. I probably won't ever review a WWE game just in case one of those roid-balls gets upset and comes after me in similar fashion. 

Oooh, Yeah!

The Campaign of Carnage adds several new elements. There are races, with and without other challengers attacking you. There are biker bandits riding Harley's with sidecars that don't seem to care whether you're similarly mobile. They come in gangs and they'll attack you whether you're riding in an Outrunner or not. There are new weapon vending machines that take only Torque Tokens and carry only very powerful weaponry. All in all, this was significantly harder than the rest of the game. I'm not sure if it was a leveling issue, but I died easily 5 times more often in Mr. Torque than either the main quest or Captain Scarlett DLC. It's challenging. It's hilarious. It's got several vast new maps. It's what we've come to expect from Gearbox and 2K: DLC that's actually worth the money!

After recently watching Rocky, I couldn't stop laughing at Tiny Tina's quest titled Eat Cookies and Crap Thunder! I kept hearing it over and over in my head, but in Burgess Meredith's voice. Borderlands may not have the best graphics. It may not have the voice acting of a Bethesda or Bioware game. It may not have the realism of Modern Warfare. What it does have in spades is creativity, wit, humor, and an addictive, original spin that matches first-person shooter and role playing game without slacking on either; things that are sorely lacking in many of today's more popular titles. Thank you, Gearbox, for this truly unique game. 

I promise I'll review something else next week that's totally unrelated to Borderlands. I swear!

The Math

Objective score: 9/10

Bonus points: +1 for giving us what we expect from Borderlands DLC. Video game mastery.

Penalties: -0.5 for being pretty difficult. It was a real stretch for me to get through this thing in time for my review. I appreciate a good challenge as much as the next gamer, but when you're literally dying every 10 seconds at some points, it's a bit much. 

Nerd Coefficient: 9.5/10 VERY high quality. A standout in its category. 

Cult Films 101: The David Lynch

Welcome back to Cult Films 101, where we are continuing our discussion about the three main types of cult films. Last week, we discussed the Guilty Pleasure -- films that are objectively bad, but nevertheless have something worthwhile that redeems them or makes them entertaining. This week, we will discuss the second type of cult film, the David Lynch, films that take an unconventional approach to narrative or subject matter.

This week, we'll be screening Joel and Ethan Cohen's 1998 film The Big Lebowski.

When we think of cult movies, many times we think only about films that are "gloriously bad" or "so-bad-they're good." The image of Edward D. Wood, Jr. comes to mind. The other side of the coin, however, has a picture of David Lynch on it. See, films made by folks like David Lynch are far from incompetent, like our Guilty Pleasures. They are in fact staggeringly accomplished in their execution. It takes an uncommon control of filmmaking tools and vernacular to be able to tell an utterly idiosyncratic story in a way that makes it comprehensible to a mass audience.

In the Black Lodge, you will probably see midgets, and they may dance.
But they'll definitely talk backwards. So you just need to deal.

For those of you who have watched the entire run of Twin Peaks (and for those of you who have not, what are you waiting for?), consider for a moment that the final episode, in which Agent Dale Cooper visits the Black Lodge with all of its midgets, backwards talking, and general level of Dali-esque insanity, aired in prime time on a major American network before most people had cable. Stop and really think about that. This is clearly a piece of art that is in total control of its mode of expression, and is not at all for everybody.

That brings us to this week's film, The Big Lebowski, which has spawned a festival, several books, a spike in the sale of White Russians (the drinks, not the humans), and at least one religion. In this film, which appropriately tanked at the box office (an unwritten rule of cult films), the Coen Brothers essentially remake the 1946 Humphrey Bogart/Lauren Bacall movie The Big Sleep, except with pornographers, Vietnam vets, feminist artists, cowboy narrators, bowling, pedophiles, In N Out Burger, and 20+ years of insider Hollywood stories. What about this doesn't spell "Box Office Goldmine"?

Clearly, we have strayed off the beaten path, here. But to put all of this stuff in a pot and make a gumbo that doesn't just immediately make you ill, the Coen Brothers required total command of their filmmaking faculties. They subsequently tried more straightforward remakes, like The Ladykillers and True Grit, which were substantially less effective films, so this is no mean feat they pulled off. What they were able to accomplish was to use Hollywood studio money to tell an extremely personal story (i.e., one that they found interesting with no assurance anyone else would), that eventually found an audience with which it could resonate.

And resonate, it did. The Big Lebowski is a David Lynch par excellence, and here are three keys to its success:

1. It was made by competent, professional filmmakers, who
2. Possess a clear and idiosyncratic vision, and
3. Did not set out to make a cult film.

That last one is key. People love cult films, and sometimes they try to make them. This is usually a mistake. If you set out to make a cult film, you are almost inevitably doomed to fail, because:

1. You don't know what you're doing, and
2. You're spending your own money, and
3. You're far more likely to make a Guilty Pleasure than a David Lynch, even if you're successful

These are problems. But fear not, next week we will discuss the kinds of films young filmmakers may hope to accomplish, given their own limited means.