Dead Rising 3

[Dead Rising 3, Capcom Vancouver, Microsoft Studios, 2013]

low expectations

Let me start out by saying that I wasn't really hoping for a lot from this title. I own the first Dead Rising for the Xbox 360 but I didn't make it very far into the game. The control scheme was horrendous and I never really got involved in the story. I played a few hours of it and put it away, never to be picked up again. It got decent reviews and I usually enjoy a good zombie game/show/movie, but for some reason the first Dead Rising didn't grab me. I never picked up the sequel. Due to those facts, I didn't expect a lot from the third entry in this trilogy. I'll be honest with you, I only picked it up because of the somewhat depressing dearth of games for the Xbox One and my having beaten everything else out there that's even half worth playing. 

Knowing that, you can imagine my surprise when it turned out to be a really creative, well-honed, bloody good time (pun fully intended). The story is well-crafted. The control scheme is fairly deep, yet quickly graspable. The graphics are quite nice. The protagonist is likable. The open-world is large and fun to explore. In short, Dead Rising 3 is a really decent game, much to my surprise. 

why does this keep happening?

The events of Dead Rising 3 detail the third major outbreak of zombie-itis. They take place ten years after Dead Rising 2 in a fictional city called Los Perdidos, California. This is the third outbreak of its kind. A small group of uninfected including the protagonist, mechanic Nick Ramos, his boss Rhonda, and a runaway named Annie is holed up inside a diner in the city. They see a news report that the city will be the recipient of a nuclear bomb in six days and decide it would probably be best to get out before that particular package arrives. The rest of the game follows Nick and his friends' attempts to escape the bomb and the explanation of the genesis of the outbreak, which, as it turns out, is a huge government plot. Don't worry, I won't ruin the twists and turns for you if you intend to give this game a run. Suffice it to say that the plot is quite interesting and Nick plays an integral part in both the creation and solution of the outbreak problem. 

man, that's a LOT of zombies!

The gameplay in DR3 is very impressive. Nick, being a mechanic, is able to craft various useful tools from the plethora of items found around the open world map. Not only can he create extremely useful and often funny vehicles, but he can generate some 300-plus weapons as well as various food recipes that have varying types of effect on him and his companions. The crafting is so deep that I didn't even cover half of the options in my first playthrough of the game. 

Some examples of this piece of the game are the RollerHawg, which is the welding of a motorcycle to a steamroller. It has the speed of a bike with the destructive power of a two-ton crushing machine. A 2x4 and a lead pipe created a particularly effective bashing weapon called Heavy Metal. A sledgehammer and a car battery created a beast of a beatdown melee machine titled the Electric Crusher. Among the most hilarious bits of crafting is the addition of a leaf blower and a massager to make a gun that fires...well...it shoots dildos. 

The crafting options also extend to food. As you are attacked by zombies, either hit, tackled, or as they try to bite you, your health meter will deteriorate. Nick has to eat in order to replenish his health. It isn't particularly hard to find food lying around the world, but culinary items could be added to one another to give specific boosts to Nick's abilities. For example, adding candy to coffee creates Quick Step, allowing Nick to sprint without getting winded for a short period of time. Three cups of coffee and a bottle of vodka makes Energizer, which causes Nick to become invulnerable to attacks. A ham and three bottles of liquor creates Spitfire, which, as the name suggests, allows him to breathe fire on the undead in his immediate vicinity. 

what are you wearing?!

Probably the most humorous part of Dead Rising 3 is the costumes. As you can see above, one of the many options was reminiscent of the Gimp from Pulp Fiction. In an adult store, you can find a full S&M suit along with go-go boots. Although Nick will complain every time you force him to put on the getup, I loved playing in the leather-zippered outfit because I just couldn't stop laughing at the poor guy. Among the other clothing options are a disco suit straight out of Saturday Night Fever, a tuxedo, a child's superhero outfit, a woman's Star Trek uniform, and even a Blanka mask from Street Fighter II. 

that about sums it up

I could go on for hours about the story, but I'd hate to spoil any of it for those of you who are going to play the game. It isn't Shakespeare, but it has enough twists, turns, and jokes to make it a very enjoyable experience. For the completionist gamer, there are tons of collectables. Not only are there weapon blueprints that are necessary if you want to make some of the more than three hundred combo weapons, but there are books that give Nick advantages in some areas such as more XP, increased damage, or weapon durability. There are also bodies of the dead that tell little stories about their sad endings. It has statues that serve little purpose beyond the joy of collecting. Finally, there are side quests that allow Nick to help other survivors along the way. 

how it ends...

Kidding. I'm only kidding. I won't tell you how it ends. What I will tell you is that there are multiple endings to the game depending on decisions you make throughout. I wouldn't have learned about this nice little addition had I not failed in my first attempt at finishing the game. However, it was very nice to see that Capcom allows for more than one outcome. Although I still love Titanfall, one of its major drawbacks, in my humble opinion, is the fact that the game's result is the same whether you succeed or fail in your missions. Dead Rising 3 isn't so uncreative. 

My final judgment of Dead Rising 3 is, as stated before, that it exceeded my expectations by a wide margin. I picked up the game to pass some time, not even sure that I would finish it due to my experience with the first Dead Rising. What I got was a thoroughly enjoyable, well-crafted game that sucked me in and surpassed my hopes in all areas. While I doubt it will win any game-of-the-year awards, you can be assured that this one isn't a dead end like its predecessor. If you're a fan of the Walking Dead or Left 4 Dead 1 or 2, give this game a try. I don't think you'll be sorry that you did. It is much more fun than the former and much deeper than the latter. If wiping out zombies is your thing, then this is your game. I killed over 27,000 of the undead in my first playthrough and I hope to top that number in my second, which begins tonight. Happy hunting!

Objective Score: 7/10

Bonuses: +1 for the unexpected and hilarious sense of humor in the game.

Penalties: I honestly can't think of any. While it isn't the best game ever, it does what it's supposed to very well. Kudos, Capcom!

Nerd Coefficient: 8/10. Well worth your time and attention. 

Madden NFL 25

[Madden NFL 25, EA Tiburon, EA Sports, 2013]

Buy it

 A vast improvement

To start off with, I'll admit two things. First, I'm not the biggest sports gamer on the planet. I love going to live sporting events and I'm a die-hard Oklahoma State Cowboys fan (My alma mater), but the games normally don't do it for me. Second, I haven't played a Madden game since 2008. That game was so bad that I swore them off for quite a while and this is the first one I've picked up since. That said, I'm really glad that I did. It's been a fun change of pace from my normal sci-fi titles and wasn't a huge disappointment like my last experience with the franchise. 

So what's new? 

As I said before, I haven't played Madden in several years, but this game has several new additions from the last iteration I experienced. First of all, you can choose to play as a specific player, a coach, or lead the franchise as an owner. I chose the coaching option as it is the closest to the traditional Madden format. You can switch between players on defense and take over for running backs and receivers when they get the ball in this mode. I tried the player mode and it just wasn't as fun to be stuck in the shoes of a single player. I didn't have time to experience the owner mode, but I really like playing the game itself rather than acting as a front office manager, so it didn't interest me as much as the coaching mode.

There were all sorts of new gameplay additions, more than half of which I probably didn't use. I had enough trouble just picking out receivers without learning all of the new jukes, spins, and leaps that were available to ball carriers, but they were there for the die-hard Maddenite. Choosing plays was made up of a well-oiled mechanic that gave you an initial option for a single play right off the bat. If you didn't like that, you could choose "Ask Madden," which would give you three options for plays that fit the scenario. If none of those were to your liking, you could choose plays by type or formation. I'm not a football guru so I used Madden's suggestions about half the time. The rest of the plays I chose by type, often going with a play action pass or shotgun formation. The options of play type were plentiful with something like 70 different run plays, 90-plus passes, and multiple special formations including QB kneel or quarterback sneak. Whatever your style of play, there was a quick and easy way to choose the option you preferred. 

truly gorgeous

As you can probably tell from these actual screenshots, the game itself was a sight to behold. The graphics are easily the best I've ever experienced in a sports game. While that may not be saying much as I'm not a huge sports game buff, they were easily the equal of some of the more attractive other games out there like Assassin's Creed or Tomb Raider. Even though this game came out last summer and is just a port to my Xbox One, they obviously upscaled it somewhat to the new generation of consoles. Even though I may not be a sports game aficionado, I am a real-life sports fan and some of the replays looked as good as the real thing. During load screens they showed various previous versions of Madden's last 25 years and, although sometimes laughable, it gave a good impression of how far the game has come in its quarter century of sports game dominance. While 2008 felt like EA was just resting on its laurels, Madden NFL 25 made me believe that Electronic Arts really put a lot of effort and money into their silver anniversary edition. 

So, how'd you do?

Being a relative amateur when it comes to the sports game oeuvre, I chose to play the season on Easy so I wouldn't get frustrated and give up halfway through. That's likely the reason I ended up 19-1 and a Super Bowl Champion. I chose to play with the Dallas Cowboys, mainly because of Oklahoma State alum Dez Bryant and his on-field acrobatics as well as their close proximity to my home state. I'll freely admit I don't care for Tony Romo and I'm a college sports fan who generally ignores most pro sports other than the NFL. That said, Madden's ability to use the actual player names and playbooks makes it superior to NCAA in this gamer's humble opinion. Some of the awful names they come up with for "amateur" athletes that appear in college sports games just drive me nuts. I understand the necessity of it, but that doesn't make it an easier pill to swallow. 

My only loss in the game came at the hands of Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos. Peyton is rated a 97 in the game making nearly every ball he threw up a strike on a frozen rope. However, I was able to get my revenge on him in the snow in New Jersey at the Super Bowl, winning 24-21. Although it didn't give me quite as much pleasure as defeating Handsome Jack in Borderlands 2 or Glados in Portal, it was still a nice little endorphin rush when I managed to overcome the seemingly invincible quarterback in the ice bowl. 

Final Thoughts

I realize this is a nerd blog, so even though its a game the very fact that this is sports-related makes it a stretch as subject matter for Nerds of a Feather. However, if you're looking to get a sports game for a nice change of pace, I can't think of a better place to start than Madden NFL 25. Pro football has overtaken baseball as America's game of choice and Madden is the video game equivalent of its crown jewel. Although it may have slacked off a bit in recent years, Madden 25 brings it roaring back. I can easily recommend it to either the casual sports gamer or die-hards that own everything from FIFA to NCAA 2013. I was a bit skeptical when I decided to give the franchise another try, but I'm glad that did. While I probably won't continue on into a second season, the game was well worth playing through the first. If you haven't played a sports game for some time like myself, give Madden NFL 25 a try. You won't be disappointed. 

the math

Objective Score: 7/10

Bonuses: +1 for being a superb sports simulator. +1 for surpassing my expectations completely.

Penalties: -1 for not really fitting into the "nerd" mold, since it's sports-related.

Nerd Coefficient: 8/10. Well worth your time and attention. 

Titanfall

[Titanfall, Respawn Entertainment, Electronic Arts, 2014]

Can it save the Xbox One?

Microsoft is banking on Titanfall, big time. This is the first truly fresh release on their new flagship console with expectations that couldn't be higher. Forza 5, Call of Duty, and Assassin's Creed are all either ports from the 360 versions and/or extensions of existing series. The next Halo won't be out until Christmas and Gears of War is at least two years out. The Xbox One has been lagging in sales compared to the PS4 of late and the kids at Bill Gates' house are REALLY hoping this game turns things around. It may not be the complete game-changer that Microsoft is looking for, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. 

What it gets right, it gets very right!

This game is REALLY fun. Don't get me wrong. I've been completely addicted to it despite some drawbacks. The gameplay is totally new, and that's tough to do in today's world of a plethora of developers and distribution companies. Everybody is looking for the next big thing...and Microsoft found it. The standard FPS portion is a bit like Call of Duty mixed with Halo and given a healthy dose of steroids. Your character's ability to wall-walk combined with his or her mini-jetpack help create entirely ways to move around the map. Add to that the Titans and this is clearly different from anything that has come before it. 

For the uninitiated, Titanfall is a first-person shooter that takes place in the future. The IMC is the government entity being challenged by rebels called the Militia. First, you play through the campaign from the side of the IMC. There are nine maps. Once you've finished those, you switch and play the same nine maps from the Militia side. The only real difference between the "campaign" and "classic" multiplayer game types are voiceovers that precede each mission and some short cutscenes. As an IMC pilot, you are fighting for Vice Admiral Graves. He's your standard military man looking to put down the rebellion whose control is taken over early on in the game by former IMC mutineer James MacAllen. He and Graves used to fight side-by-side before he went rogue. There really wasn't much to the story, to be honest. That's pretty much it. They had little bylines for each map, like taking down a fuel depot or destroying a spaceship while it was in dock, but the gist of the plot line can be summed up in a few sentences.

Gameplay

The best part of Titanfall is easy to identify...it's the gameplay. Movement is like a combination of parkour with jetpacks. You can run on walls, jump off, land and run on opposing walls, then fly through the air using your booster pack to get 30-40 feet up in the air. It's an entirely new type of mechanic unlike anything I've ever played before. Then there are the Titans... 

There are three types: the Atlas being a middle-of-the-road mech, the Stryder that is more nimble but can take less damage, and the Ogre that serves as a tank with massive protection. Every three minutes you are blessed from above with one of these giant killing machines, literally. The are deployed from space and come falling down from the sky, thus the game's name. You can climb into the huge robot and take personal control or choose "follow" or "guard" mode where AI takes over for the Titan and it will either follow and protect you or engage the enemy on its own, garnering you substantial XP as long as it survives. Personally, I've played about half the game each way. Sometimes I'm on a hot streak with my pilot and I just let my Titan wander off on its own to kill at will. Other times I prefer to climb in and put my personal touch on the giant's attacks. 

There are some missing components

My main complaint with Titanfall is the lack of a single player campaign. I guess I'm stuck expecting the standard format like Call of Duty and Mass Effect 3 where there are both single player campaign and multiplayer choices for the gamer. Here, there's not much difference between the two except for the voiceovers before you start a mission. The voiceovers could have used a little help from Bioware because they leave a lot to be desired. They aren't terrible, but they aren't as good as they should be, especially considering the relatively small number required for the so-called "campaign" mode. 

Not only that, but your success or failure in a mission has no bearing on the outcome of the game. Win or lose the match, the game continues on with the missions as if you were successful. I guess that taking into account the fact that the whole campaign is just a modified multiplayer game this makes sense because it could take a while to finish the campaign if you were dependent upon your teammates' abilities to clear a level, but it draws away from the sense of accomplishment you get when normally finishing a level.

Break it on down!

Despite my complaints, this really is a treat to play. I tend to lean toward story-driven games so the bare bones campaign left me feeling somewhat empty, but the fantastic mechanics and graphics more than make up for it. I hope that this, like many series before it, grow into a full-fledged, multiple-game epic in the same vein as Halo or Metal Gear. I absolutely love playing it. I was just looking for a bit more, to be honest. Maybe all of the hype and buildup led me to believe this would be the next Gears (or God) of War. It certainly has the potential to become everything those games are and more, but it needs a bigger, better backstory. One of the reasons Halo has been so successful is the completeness of the universe. I hope that Titanfall 2 builds on the skeleton of a plot that this game provides. It already has the gameplay down perfectly. Now it just needs a universe to inhabit. 

The Math

Objective Score: 8/10. It would've been a 9 if it just had even the most slightly serviceable story. 

Bonuses: +1 for the biggest improvement in unique and fluid gameplay mechanics I've seen since Nintendo went from a two-button layout to the six-button SNES controller.

Penalties: -1 for a nearly complete lack of plot. I almost would have preferred they simply leave out the Graves/MacAllen story and just include a few more multiplayer modes. 

Nerd Coefficient: 8/10. Well worth your time and attention. 

Xbox One: First Impressions

The Console

The new generation has finally made it. I picked up my One on Friday and haven't really stopped playing it since. First I'll cover some bells and whistles included in the new machine, then give a few words on the games I picked up. To begin with, let me say that it's quite impressive. I never bought the Kinect for the 360 because most of the games it was made for were created for kids. However, some of the hacks and off-label uses that were generated by have made their way into this iteration of the device. One cool feature is that it recognizes who is playing and will sign you in automatically. All you have to do is be visible in front of the Kinect's camera and it will sign you in, no questions asked. Instead of picking a single gamer profile to use as an automatic sign-in, assuming you have a family of gamers, it will simply recognize who is present and sign them in on its own. 

The box itself is a little bigger than the 360, but I much prefer the disc feeder in this one to the tray used in the 360. It makes discs harder to scratch and also easier to retrieve when ejected. The real place the new system shines, however, is in the voice commands. Simple statements like, "Xbox go home," return you to the Dashboard. Once there, you can start any of your apps or games by stating the name listed in the lower left hand corner. For example, "Forza Motorsport 5" will trigger Forza without touching a single button other than turning on the machine. While I wasn't sold on the Kinect as part of the package since I never used one with my 360, you can definitely mark me down as a convert now that I've seen it in action. 

the games

killer instinct

Killer Instinct comes with the console, although it operates in much the same model as today's MMORPGs and mobile games. You are given one character for free: Jago, shown above at right. The rest must be purchased either singly or in a group. It's a gorgeous fighting game, but I haven't really had the time to get into it with Forza 5 and Call of Duty: Ghosts staring me in the face. Many of Jago's moves are similar to those used by Ken and Ryu in the Street Fighter franchise, so he was a cinch to pick up being the SF aficionado that I am. The fireball is the same. The Sharyuken is the same. The only differences are some kick combos that I was lucky enough to figure out on my own. However, there is a move list provided if you're one to learn moves rather than just button mash until you figure things out like myself. I have yet to decide if I'm going to purchase the character pack for this game, but it's certainly tempting given the quality of the trial. 

Call of Duty: Ghosts

This game was a bit of a disappointment as anyone who has read about it knows it's not an Xbox One exclusive but rather a port with "upscaled" graphics from the 360 and PS3 editions. It looks a little better than Modern Warfare 3 and Black Ops 2, but it isn't a generation ahead. That said, it has a unique story line in which the countries of South America have banded together into Federation against the US. Don't worry gamergeeks, you learn this all in the first 30 seconds of the intro so I'm not spoiling any of the plot you don't figure out immediately. You're part of the resistance against the Federation and help try to restore the United States to its former glory in the campaign. 

There are also several new additions that I can't wait to try. One is called Squad Mode where you build your own squad and use it to take on other squads from around the world. You are able to train your squad members in various specialties to get the most well-rounded group of killing machines this side of Fort Hood. Finally, there's multiplayer. I'm not the biggest fan because I don't really enjoy getting massacred by a bunch of 8-year-olds with mouths like first-year Navy recruits, but I've given it a run, nonetheless. I just tried out Free-For-All because it requires the least amount of dedication (and I don't feel like I'm letting down squadmates with my lack of acumen), but there are twelve different multiplayer modes including Team Deathmatch, Cranked, Blitz, Search and Rescue, Search and Destroy, Infected, Kill Confirmed, Domination, Hunted, Free-For-All, Team Tactical, and Ground War. Don't ask me what all those mean because I haven't tried them all yet, but once my friends get around to picking up the one and Ghosts, I fully intend to explore each in its own right. For now, suffice it to say that this is a pretty good Call of Duty game, but my socks are still on my feet. They weren't blown off by the next round of CoD. 

Forza Motorsport 5

Finally, we've come to the place where this next-gen console REALLY shines. Forza 5 is every bit the newest breed of game. Although you don't have to beat them all to finish the game, there are 596 races in this gorgeous piece of gaming glory. This is clearly worth the $65 it costs, not to mention the jaw-dropping graphics that come inside that cute little green box. Aside from the human characters that appear in the pit, and they're are realistic as anything from Call of Duty, this game appears as photorealistic as anything I've every seen. 

One of the main changes in gameplay between this and the previous versions of Forza is that you only need to place in the top 3 spots in order to earn a gold medal. It is no longer required to win a race in order to consider that level conquered. Another one of the unique additions is the "Drivatar." Once you've completed three races, the game learns your driving style and uses it to enter you into races even if you aren't present to take part. You can win credits and XP from these races. It's the first time short of hiring a driver in Gran Turismo that I'm aware of where you can let your machine sit alone without even being home and improve your standings. One thing that bothered me was the inability to switch cars before loading the next race. I still haven't figured out a way to choose a different car or race without waiting for it to load the next track, which is a considerable amount of time. It's a minor inconvenience, of course, but one that adds up over time to drive you nuts. All in all, loading issues aside, this game completely lives up to my expectations and I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and play some more. I'm hooked. While the other two titles mentioned here are enjoyable, Forza 5 is full-on addictive, so beware. You've been given fair warning. 

the math

Objective Score: 8/10. I suspect this will rise to a 9 over time, but this is just the first round of games. One's a free/pay-to-play addition that comes with the console, one's a port, and one was built from the ground up for this console. As more games are designed for the One, I would imagine they will provide as much jaw-dropping wow power as Forza 5.

Penalties: Not enough original games that make full use of the console's capabilities were available on Day 1, or at least not enough with high enough scores on Metacritic to justify dropping $65 to play them. 

Bonuses: This is clearly a fantastic machine, as showcased in Forza 5. I look forward to seeing what they can come up with when the next Halo and Gears of War games come out. I suspect they will be amazing. 

Nerd Coefficient: 8/10. Again, I expect this grade to rise over time, but for the titles that are currently available, I just can't give it a 9. Come talk to me in six months :-)

Portal 2

puzzle perfection

It's a bit slow for games this time of year, so I've decided to look back on one of the best titles of this generation, Valve's Portal 2. As many of you may remember, Portal was part of the Orange Box, a collection of five games from Valve including Team Fortress 2, Half-Life 2, Half Life 2: Episode One, and Half-Life 2 Episode Two, along with the aforementioned Portal. 

Portal was a short 2-3 hour trial at a puzzle game that the good people at Valve had been tinkering with and decided to include in the "Best deal in gaming of this generation." It received many unexpected game of the year awards. In order to complete the puzzles, you were tasked with using a "portal gun" to reach the exit of each room by using the gun and the environment to bypass a series of obstacles and reach the next puzzle. The portal gun shoots a blue portal and an orange portal. When you walk through one, you exit the other. Simple, right? Where it gets more complicated is when you have to use things like momentum to complete the puzzle. If you jump from 40 feet up into a portal, you come out with the same momentum with which you entered. It was a cute yet challenging game with a classic credit track (hit play below).

the full monty

Portal 2 was described by the programmers as their real intention with Portal. It's a full 10+ hours of gameplay that continues within the universe begun in Portal. In the first iteration, you are facing a female testing program named GLaDOS (Gladys). Those of you who have been around computers as long as I have will get the reference to the DOS programming language, an early way to run computers. In the second Portal, you face GLaDOS again, but you have a small round robot on your side named Wheatley. Some of the best humor in the game comes from this little British bugger, oddly reminiscent of Ricky Gervais, who can't seem to do anything right.

Since this game came out in 2011, I'm going to assume that you've either already played it or don't intend to, so spoilers are open for business. After disabling all of GLaDOS' defense mechanisms including the turrets and neurotoxins, you replace GLaDOS with Wheatley, fully expecting the (up-until-now) friendly robot to help you escape the testing facility. Instead, the little brat goes mad with power, places GLaDOS into a potato, and throws you both down an elevator shaft. The rest of the game is made up of you and GLaDOS making your way through old testing facilities that date back to the 50s in order to finally return and face Wheatley in the hopes that GLaDOS will keep her word this time and free you.

As you progress through the older tests, you are joined by narrator J. K. Simmons who voices the CEO of Aperture Science. Fans of the Half-Life series will recognize the company as the one that brought about the subjugation of mankind, but that's a story for another game. In this one, Aperture has already collapsed and you're working your way through their old testing chambers, along with GLaDOS the potato.

The older testing chambers were perfect. They felt like a throwback compared to those in Portal 1 and the early levels of this game. The surrounding environment and Simmons' narration serve to complete the illusion that you are, indeed, back in Aperture's old 1950s test chambers. It takes some doing, but you eventually thwart Wheatley's attempts to kill you and return to the chamber where he is housed. Using corrupt software, you prompt a second core replacement (the first being the replacement of GLaDOS with Wheatley).

However, Wheatley has booby trapped the process and the change of cores brings the entire structure down around you. Only by shooting a portal at the moon are you able to drag the little traitor into space and remove him from the testing facility. GLaDOS grabs you at the last second as Wheatley is dragged through the portal and onto the moon. Luckily for you, GLaDOS has realized that testing you is a useless endeavor and she decides to release you. The game ends as you walk alone into a corn field, accompanied only by your companion cube.

why is it so good?

This is the seventh-best game on the Xbox 360, according to Metacritic.com, with a total score of 95. I think that one of the reasons this game received such high marks is its difference from the norm. Although you carry a gun, it's hardly the AR-15 from Call of Duty, or even the Covenant pistol from Halo. The purpose of this gun isn't to kill, but rather for navigation around massive puzzle rooms. The portal gun is used to manipulate lasers, light bridges, turrets, companion cubes, and most of all, yourself. 

This unique take on the "shooter," along with Valve's high-quality writing and seemingly never-ending wit, make this game stand out among its peers. It is a game that simply must be played if you haven't gotten around to it, yet. I had as much or more fun playing it through a second time as I did the first. It was a joy to play, and while I enjoy a nice FPS, none of them bring that sense of childhood wonder that comes with Portal. They also don't have the "Aha!" moments that Portal does when you finally figure out a puzzle. Although it has its fair share of anger-inducing portions where you just can't figure out what you're supposed to do next, the payoff is made even greater by the struggle to complete each test. If you haven't tried Portal or Portal 2 yet, pick up the Orange Box for twenty bucks. It is easily the most bang for your buck of this generation, and you might just discover a new favorite games as I did. 

the math

Objective score: 9/10

Penalties: -1 for making me want to throw my controller on occasion. As mentioned before, most of these moments were followed shortly by an "Aha!' epiphany that made it worth while, but a few levels took just a bit too long to reach this point of understanding. 

Bonuses: +1 for the quality writing. As regular readers will know, I prefer a story-driven game to one that survives only through explosions and non-stop action. This is a single piece of an entire sci-fi universe (including Half-Life and Team Fortress) that take place in Aperture Science's dystopian "science project gone horribly wrong" universe. Once you've played the Half-Life series, this will feel like a spin-off. However, it is entirely capable of standing on its own. That is mostly due to the quality writing. Keep it up, Valve!

Nerd coefficient: 9/10. Very high quality. Standout in its category. 

Tiny Tina's Assault on the Dragon's Keep

good gravy, Gearbox saves the best for last!

There's so much I want to tell you about the fourth installment in the Borderlands 2 downloadable content library! I'm going to do something I don't normally do and have a "spoilers" section so those of you who want to can read about some of the game and those that don't want to hear a peep before they play can avoid it. If you couldn't tell from that caveat, I absolutely loved this add-on. The Mr. Torque DLC was fantastic, but I have to say that this one is even slightly better.

The story is a game inside a game. You are playing Bunkers & Badasses, a clear tribute to Dungeons & Dragons. However, instead of playing as wizards and warriors, you are playing as vault hunters. Tiny Tina is the Bunker Master (Dungeon master) and, therefore, in charge of the action. Having a psychopathic 13-year-old running things can lead to some awfully interesting situations. The writing for this DLC is the best of the set. Not only does it hold up in the wit department against the rest of the game, it has more references than an episode of Family Guy. Besides D&D, it also pays homage to Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Fantasia, Lord of the Rings, and Game of Thrones among others. I probably missed a few in there, too. 

knight of justice and cupcakes and stuff

You begin the game at the Unassuming Docks of Potentially Little Importance.  You are immediately killed by an unbeatable dragon, at which point Lilith has to explain some of the rules to Tina like, you can't start the game with an un-killable boss. After Tina relents and brings on "Mister Boney Pants Guy" instead, you make your way to Flamerock Refuge. The town has lost its queen. An evil, yet Handsome sorcerer cast a spell that brought eternal darkness to Flamerock Ridge. The queen went on a quest to try to get rid of the spell and bring back the sun, but she hasn't returned to town. That's where you come in! While there are many side quests, the main story revolves around your search for the queen. That's all I'll say for the moment as I don't want to give too much of this glorious game away.

They manage to tie in some emotional content along with the violence. Tina pretends not to know that Roland and Bloodwing were killed in the main questline. For a game that is rarely sentimental, they pull it off quite well. They work in references to the dead characters, which are followed quickly by Tina's willful ignorance to their passing. Borderlands manages to work in sympathy and feeling with the skill of early Saturday Night Live star movies like Trading Places and Animal House while remaining true to its action-packed, wit-filled roots.

roll for initiative, suckas!

Nearly everything but the guns in the game has a melange of Tolkein, Game of Thrones, and D&D, down to the vending machines. Marcus Munitions has become Marcus Missiles and it warns you to, "Watch out for those orcs!" Zed's Apothecary quips, "Have fun storming the tower." There's another reference to a movie I just watched, The Princess Bride. It felt a bit like walking around in Skyrim with corrosive sub-machine guns and missile launchers while listening to music reminiscent of Fable. The parts that take place in a dwarven mine and temple recall the soundtrack from Snow White and Raiders of the Lost Ark, respectively.. 

Luckily for all of us, Mr. Torque returns to reprise his role as the comical juice box that made his own DLC so entertaining. He calls Tina on her cell phone and begs to be a part of the action. His nerd cred is duly tested and she reluctantly gives in, but places restrictions on the Macho Man so that control of the game remains squarely in her little borderline personality disorder brain. There are several other new additions to go along with the return of Mr. Torque. New to the Borderlands are enemies that include skeletons, spiders, dwarves, orcs, and dragons. The only thing that is missing is a hobbit or two. 

rotten meat - spoilers (don't worry, pics won't contain spoilers.)

I can't help it. Usually I have enough restraint, but this time I just have to share some of the amazing dialogue that this DLC has to offer. Most of these are just hilarious quotes that reference existing sci fi classics. Go ahead and skip to the next section if you don't want to read some funny stuff because they're spoilers. This section finishes when the text returns to black. 

• The town of Flamerock Refuge smells, according to Tina, like "Butts and death."
• When testing Mr. Torque's nerd cred, Lilith states, "(I've) gotta make sure you're not just faking geek-hood because it's trendy." You're darn right it is, fellow nerf herders!
• In a reference to Back to the Future, the Hyperion reincarnation machine slightly adjusts the classic line for its own purposes saying, "Lives? Where we're going we don't need...lives."
• At one point, characters repeat the line, "Oh dum shivi. Oh dum shivi. Oh dum shivi," which is only slightly altered from its original appearance in the Temple of Doom. 

• Claptrap the Wizard tries to halt your progress across a bridge shouting, "You shall not pass!" Guess what? You get by. 
• At another point, Claptrap attempts to use his powers but he ends up in the same situation as Mickey in The Sorcerer's Apprentice. 
• There is a dwarven rune password you must put in the right order. Tina has made the password F-A-R-T. Heh, fart. 
• In one mission, the combination of robes and facial hair is outlined clearly:
• Robe + Beard = Wizard
• Robe + Goatee = Warlock
• Robe + Mustache = Not allowed near public schools 
• Mordecai isn't a huge fan of the game, saying, "I hate dice." I tend to agree. 
• During a mission that is more of a dream for fans of Game of Thrones than a copy, 
• Mordecai says, "This is like that...show that...show. I haven't watched it.
• Lilith responds, "Well if you had, you'd think this was awesome!" It was. 
• A Necromancer from Evil Dead repeats the REAL magic words, "Clatto, Verata, Nicto," before being killed.

\That's all I have in the way of spoilers. I didn't want to share anything that would ruin the game, but I like to err on the side of caution when dealing with games and their fans. While some of these quotes might dampen your enjoyment of the game when you hear them live, none of them will reveal vital parts of the story line. I can spoil a little bit, but not the entire game. I have too many gamer morals for that. 

so, it was perfect?

No, it wasn't perfect, but it was darn close. One of the VERY minor annoyances was that the smaller loot boxes didn't always contain cash like they did in the rest of the game. When playing with a character who has maxed out his or her ammo, there's really no reason to open the normal loot boxes, but I always opened the smaller ones because I can't say no to cash, even small amounts. This was more than made up for by the chests like the one seen above. You are able to spend one eridium and roll one die. For five eridium, you can roll both. If you manage to hit a 20 or higher, you're almost guaranteed some serious loot, purple guns or better. 

Another mildly annoying portion of the DLC is the leveling system. In playing with my level 37 Commando on regular mode, all of the missions were level 35, nevermind that I had leveld up to 40 by the time the DLC was complete. When I finished that playthrough and turned to my level 51 Assassin in True Vault Hunter Mode, all of the missions were level 50. In the first go around in regular mode, the missions started out as a "good match," but eventually became "trivial" as I leveled up. I suspect the leveling will take too long in True Vault Hunter Mode to make any of the missions trivial, but it's still a bit off-putting that they wouldn't just level the game to your existing character. I didn't try with a lower level character, but it's on my to-do list. 

Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

The fourth (and possibly final) installment in the Borderlands 2 downloadable content library is the best. It isn't far and away from the next best DLC, but it's clearly tops. It isn't just witty, but the smartest of the BL2 DLC. The writing is worthy of awards. It is the first to add considerable amounts of emotional content. It takes place almost entirely in an alternate universe, but unlike Fallout 3's Operation: Anchorage, it uses the alternate setting to its fullest potential. If you are only going to play one Borderlands 2 downloadable add-on this year, make it Tiny Tina! If you play two, get Torque. 

the math

Objective Score: 9/10

Penalties: -1 for a few minor complaints. The lack of setting the level near the player should be easy to do, but they aren't. Unless you're near the pre-determined level, the game is either too easy or too hard. 

Bonuses: +1 for the most creative, hilarious, deep, and emotional writing of any of the Borderlands 2 downloadable content. 

Nerd Coefficient: 9/10. Very high quality. Standout in its category.