Film Review: Predator: Killer of Killers

 All Killer, No Filler

Predator is one of my favorite franchises out there, possibly even rivalling my rabid Star Wars fandom. One of the things I love about the growing Predi-verse is that it is simply unapologetically what it is. The first two are tight, tense affairs, with a few hints at a larger universe and timeline. The years that followed brought some fun comics and video games, before the tepid AVP movie threatened to derail the whole endeavor. Then came the vastly underrated Predators, then Prey, and now the lid is off with Killer of Killers. It doesn't concern itself with silly frivolities like a super deep story, historical accuracy, subtlety or nuance. It gives us what we came for - scenery chewing hunters, wrecking everything around them and slaughtering redshirts in brutal and hilarious ways. 

Split into three(ish) parts, across the Viking era, feudal Japan and WWII in the Pacific, a different Predator (the species we now know to be called 'Yautja'), with different weapons, takes on a different warrior from each timeline. The extremely simple review is: It's really good. Like I said - it's exactly what it is. Each Yautja is unique, with badass weapons that slaughter everyone except their target in creative ways. Each target is likewise unique, a badass (with Torres, the American, playing a little too much into the aw-shucks-underdog American fantasy a little too much), that overcomes their pursuer with ingenuity and determination.

Thank god I'm safe, unless there is a drinking-game-driven Predator

This exposes the inherent flaw in the Predi-verse: They are presented as the ultimate hunter, killer of killers, etc, and yet... they always lose. Sure, they kill the NPCs with reckless abandon, but the main character always wins in the end, and sure, we see those people get picked up by squads of Predators, but the title card fight always ends with the humans on top. It was one of the things that drove me nuts about AVP - the tagline was "whoever wins, we lose", and yet, humans were the ones standing at the end. 

Perhaps the upcoming Badlands fixes this, but at a certain point, it takes the punch out of Predators treating Earth like a hunting preserve, but getting their asses kicked every time (that we see). To be honest - it's a fairly small complaint, and each one of the movies, including this one, is extremely entertaining in its own right. But like so many other cinematic universes, as it grows, it opens itself up to more and more scrutiny, especially of its own in-universe rules and composition. 

All that being said, since Disney owns the rights to Predator and nearly every other IP in the known universe, and we are clearly trying to visit every era of human history with Predators, I am available to write any of the following movies for a modest fee:

• Predator vs Stitch - Stitch is ultimately accepted by the Yautja as one of their own; Lilo disembowels her bullying classmates. Post-credit scene teases Predator vs Toothless.
• Predator vs Terminator - Dutch is brought out of stasis to fight the OG terminator; this confuses the Yautja greatly.
• Predator vs the Sith - just two hours of lightsabers and Yautja weapons
• Predor vs Ewoks - Just two hours of Predators slaughtering Ewoks
• Predator in the era of the Aztecs. Two movies - in the first, a Predator defeats an Aztec warrior, immediately before the Spanish arrive. Post-credit scene shows them taking the Aztec gold, with the Yautja watching. They become the curse of the Aztec gold, slaughtering any who possess it for taking it dishonorably. 

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The Math

Baseline Assessment: 9/10

Bonuses: None, but worth mentioning the score above includes points for not trying to hard, and just focusing on the basics. 

Penalties: -1 for the humans winning.

Nerd Coefficient: 8/10 - well worth your time and attention
See more about our scoring system here.

-DESR

The Six Best Horror Movies (if you're a weenie)

I don't mind Halloween, in and of itself. There are costumes, booze, it's fall. All great things. But then every show and movie list is a non-stop gore fest and, folks, I do not do gore. Event Horizon might be a great movie, but I watched it from behind a pillow.

That's how I spend most horror movies (also out: GoT, Walking Dead, etc), and thus, most of October. So, in the event you are a weenie like me who does want to watch something creepy, I give you: The Six Best Horror Movies for Weenies.

A quick note, though: This isn't a joke list, where I just pick crappy horror movies. I am going for legitimate creep factor here, just without gore.

1. Psycho (1960). Sometimes the obvious answer is the right one. While it gets credit for essentially jump-starting the gore-splattered slasher genre, Psycho is so much more than that. It s layers of creepiness, with one of the all-time great twists and, of course, brilliant directing from the master.

2. Alien (1979). Chloe has already written the definitive piece on why Alien is one of the best movies of all time. It relies on feelings of isolation and fear of the unseen to keep you on the edge of your seat, and your head spinning after the credits roll. It's okay, though, Aliens is also the best sequel ever, so you can keep the party going.

3. Predator (1987). Like Alien, Predator relies more on the feeling of being stalked by, well, a predator than sheer shock value. Gorier than the other on this list, what with flayed corpses here and there, it ends up being Arnie at his best vs on ugly mother... Also, Predators is vastly underrated, if more of an action movie than horror.

4. Sunshine (2007). If this belongs on a horror movie list is justifiably up for debate, but this isn't that horror movie list, so here we are. And just like its place on this list, there are people who love this movie, and those that hate it. It is certainly flawed, but the whole thing is beautifully nihilistic and claustrophobic. It is a movie that traps you right along with the crew and makes you feel completely hemmed in and hopeless. For that, I give it a spot on this list and almost forgive its stupid third act.

5. The Silence of the Lambs (1991). The best thing a horror movie can do, for my money, is stick with you and haunt you. This is that movie. A stunning film by any standard, with brilliant directing, acting and score, this movie haunts your dreams in ways Freddy can only wish for. There are no supernatural, immortal monsters or demons here, no inbred barely-human murder families, just a movie informed by real serial killers, and performances given by actors who studied the monsters they were imitating, and every bit of those shows and it's scarier than any made-up monster.

6. Les Diaboliques (1955) Editors note: This comes courtesy friend o' the blog E. Catherine Tobler, who told me about this movie, but I haven't seen it yet, but sounds too good to omit. Her words: I first saw Les Diaboliques when I was in junior high--every year, our art class was rewarded with a film we would probably otherwise never see. We knew nothing about it, so as the black and white images began to unfold, we could only imagine where we might go.

The story, set at boarding school on the outskirts of Paris, is one of horror, obsession, and revenge, the perfect thing to show junior high art students, right? Simone Signoret is flawless and cold, Vera Clouzot timid and hard. Wife and mistress conspire to kill the man who has overwhelmed their lives--but everyone is a devil and who may you trust in such a conspiracy? (Three may keep a secret if two are dead, thank you Ben Franklin.)

This film never shows you a thing all the way--the pool that shimmers in the school yard is a haze of sunlight, or a tangle of weeds and trash, never revealing what lurks beneath the water. That's always more frightening than seeing the monster, right--or is it? Because the monster in this film... Well. That'd be saying too much, and the film itself cautions viewers to not tell others what they have seen. A note: the 1996 remake is terrible, erasing all the wonder of the 1955 original. More Editors notes: remakes of good movies are always terrible.

Feel free to chime in with your favorite horror movies, gory or otherwise! And have a safe and happy Halloween, everyone.

-DESR
Dean is the author of the 3024AD series of science fiction stories (which should be on YOUR summer reading list). You can read his other ramblings and musings on a variety of topics (mostly writing) on his blog. When not holed up in his office
tweeting obnoxiously writing, he can be found watching or playing sports, or in his natural habitat of a bookstore.