Ghost of Movies Yet-to-Come: A Letter to 1997

Twenty years ago this week, I graduated from high school and began preparing to head off into the wilds of film school. I was in love with Alfred Hitchcock and Ingmar Bergman and Sam Raimi, and the recent huge successes of completely independent, micro-budget films like El Mariachi and Clerks made the idea of heading off to Austin and then onto exciting, indie film success seem like a genuine possibility...to an 18-year-old. I had no idea that the film industry was about to start going through a massive revolution, many seeds of which were being planted right there in 1997. So I thought I'd write 1997-me a letter, giving a glimpse of what lies ahead. I'm reminded of Doc Brown's incredulity when Marty McFly tells him Ronald Reagan is president of the United States in 1985. I assume 1997-me would be equally incredulous about much of I have to tell him. Yet off I go, into the Wayback Machine...

Hey, 1997-me.

What's up? It's me. 2017-you. This is the future where I am, and I've got some future-news for you. Might help out as you get ready to embark on a journey in an industry you fundamentally do not understand at all. But that's cool — but that's cool. Even if you understood it perfectly at this very moment, some stuff's about to go down that's going to completely change all the ground rules. So I want to help out.

Here's my advice. Skip the sad indie film scripts you're about to start writing. Just forget them. Skip ahead to the time travel one. I'm not sure if you've thought of that one yet, but that one's fun. When you do think of it, call up Cameron, your friend who can draw super-good, and make it as a comic book. Don't try to shoot it. Don't drive around in the countryside and find an Old West town and drag your friends out there when it's 115 degrees and try to shoot it. Stop. Just make the comic.

Because something weird's about to happen: nerds are about to become big, big business. And comics are about to become the one medium to rule them all, the one medium to find them; the one medium to bring them all, and in the box office, bind them.

I know you're scoffing at this. I don't blame you. Because you're right, George Clooney just killed Batman. Batman and Robin will be the last of the Batman movies...for, almost, ten years. Then they're going to do this thing called "rebooting," where they're going to take a Mulligan on Keaton-Kilmer-Clooney, and start over with a British guy directing, another British guy playing Bruce Wayne, and playing Batman like Chris Barnes from Cannibal Corpse. The voice is going to be weird. You'll like it, because metal, but other people...not so much. They're going to make fun of it a lot on the internet.

Oh yeah. The internet. That's going to be...there isn't time.

Then, after those guys make three really good Batman movies, they're going to stop, and then new people are going to come in immediately after, reboot it again, and start making way more Batman movies. Seriously, right away. With the guy from Good Will Hunting. The dumb one, in that movie. I should tell you, though...no, I can't. I don't have the heart to tell you what happens to Robin Williams.

Remember, a couple of months ago, how you were so excited because Star Wars was back in theaters, but then you left those movies all sort of confused inside? Well, I got some good news and some bad news for you, buddy. George Lucas is going to make three more, brand new Star Wars movies. And man, they're going to blow. Remember how cool "The Clone Wars" sounded when Obi-Wan talked about them? Turns out they were super goddamn lame. Until we got to see them in cartoon form, and then they were pretty cool. But then, Disney of all people, will pay George Lucas more money than God to literally never touch Star Wars ever again, and then shit's going to get real. New Star Wars ever year, from now on. We're still riding the wave, and so far it's pretty cool. We'll see what happens, though. 2037-me may have some bad news for both of us.

Right about the time you're getting out of film school, the Big Thing is going to happen. And the big thing is this: Hollywood will finally understand that Sam Raimi is the best, and they will give him money, and he will make Spider-Man. It will break all the records. It will be badass. They will let him make Spider-Man 2 and it will be equally badass. Spider-Man 3 will really, really suck, and they'll reboot it. And that'll suck, and they'll reboot it again. We're waiting to see how that goes.

Here's why this is important: When 1997 comes to a close, and your mom is doing all your laundry over Christmas break, 16 movies will have made $100 million or more at the domestic box office. That's a lot, right? Total domestic box office of over $6 billion — Billion! 2016 just ended over here and it was...come on present-me, stick to movies, stick to movies...so I've got the numbers right here, and 30 movies crossed $100 million domestically. Total domestic box office? Over $11 billion. Six of those movies will be comic book movies, and most of the rest are cartoons.

Those David Mamet movies you like so much? The ones where people talk and stuff? What I want you to do is not watch those anymore. Just go read comics. Then make comics. Then, maybe learn to draw and start animating your comics. I'm telling you.

Oh...last thing. Don't worry about it. You will, I promise, eventually have sex. I promise.

Signing off, 
Vance K — cult film reviewer and co-editor of nerds of a feather, flock together since 2012 (it's an internet thing, just trust me), Emmy-winning producer (I know, it surprised me, too), and folk musician (really...but I still play drums, too, so don't freak out too much).

Microreview [TV]: Ash vs. Evil Dead

Hail to the king, baby.

Since Army of Darkness was released twenty-three years ago, fans have been clamoring for Evil Dead IV. But did we *really* want that? Remember the sequels to The Matrix? Remember the Terminator franchise after Terminator II: Judgment Day? Remember the Star Wars Prequels, for Yoda's sake? And we're all collectively about to find out if we *really* wanted J.J. Abrams making more Star Wars movies (remember Super 8 and Star Trek Into Darkness?) as much as we think we do right now. So it's entirely possible that the often-rumored-never-made Evil Dead IV could have done nothing more than besmirch the memory of something many of us held dear.

Evil Dead 2 was particularly important to me. Not only is its stamp of comedy all over the no-budget monster movie I made a dozen years ago, but the Sam Raimi/Bruce Campbell success narrative was empowering and aspirational. I say all of this to explain why I waited until the first three episodes of Ash vs. Evil Dead had aired before I took a look. I wanted to be able to have a sense of the show beyond just the pilot, and temper my expectations, if need be.

And having caught up now, I have to say, it's pretty badass.

We catch up with Ash thirty years after the events of Evil Dead II (remember, even though that film and Army of Darkness were released five years apart, AoD begins on the same day EDII ends). He's still working in retail at a big box store, he's fifty, living in a trailer, and picking up women with the story of how he lost his hand selflessly saving a young boy from an oncoming train. He's a deadbeat. One night, while high and pressed for some poetry to read to a potential conquest back at the trailer, he grabs the Necronomicon Ex Mortis and they read out an incantation or two. Whoops.

So now the Deadites are making their way back into our world, and they're gunning for Ash. They're not the only ones, either. There's a state police officer, Amanda Fisher, who realizes that Ash is caught up in a string of bizarre deaths, so she's on his trail. Lucy Lawless plays Ruby, a mysterious character with a lot of knowledge of these Deadites, and she's after Ash, too. Bruce Campbell and Lucy herself kind of ruined the surprise of who she is on their Colbert appearance recently, but for now the show's keeping Ruby's true identity secret, so mum's the word.

But for once, Ash has help. Pablo and Kelly, two of his co-workers, get sucked into this battle against the Deadites, and by the end of the third episode, they're officially a team. These two, played by Ray Santiago and Dana DeLorenzo, respectively, are maybe the best part of the show. They both bring tons of personality, and have a great rapport with Campbell's swaggering blowhard of a middle-aged Ash. And in maybe five minutes of total screen time so far, Lucy Lawless is already amazing.

Starting in the third episode, the show begins expanding the world more, and expanding out the range of evil entities that the Necronomicon has access to. A lot of people will probably grouse about that (and make legitimate complaints that the first demon we see looks like he was lifted directly from Hellraiser or Pan's Labyrinth, but it's absolutely necessary for the demands of a TV show, and I personally thought it was cool to see our first glimpse of something other than a Deadite. 

What it comes down to, though, is that so far this show is a worthy successor to the films. There's fan service — check out the last moment of the pilot, for instance — but there are new elements and compelling characters that offer more beyond Ash's catchphrases, and there are even hints that Ash himself may be on the first steps of a character journey. Also, there are gallons, and gallons, and gallons of blood, and the humor is plentiful and legitimately funny. It reminded me why I loved the films so much in the first place, and I kneel at the feet of the folks who do this particular thing — still — better than anybody.

The Math

Baseline Assessment: 8/10

Bonuses: +1 for the new cast of regulars; +1 for not letting me down (and convincing me to subscribe to Starz)

Penalties: -1 for many of the digital effects. The practical effects look great, but a lot of the digital blood effects show their edges, as it were

Nerd coefficient (so far): 9/10. Groovy.

Posted by Vance K -- cult film reviewer and co-editor of nerds of a feather, and five-time Bruce Campbell in-person screening attendee.